Aztec Rex

["Stephen V. Cole" <adbinc@arn.net>]

Not as bad as it could have been, but about as bad as most of the 
"made for SciFi channel" movies have been.  I don't remember who did 
the animation but these are fairly stock T-rex CGI models. We do see 
a lot of human blood and human (and horse) body parts.

One tribe of the Aztec empire lives in the Valley of Gwanji (er.... 
T-rex) and sacrifices somebody (usually somebody who pissed off the 
shaman) every month to keep the T-rexes satisfied. (I guess maybe the 
theropods eat deer or goats the rest of the time? I'm not entirely 
sure what domestic livestock and wild animals were in Central America 
prior to the conquistadors. No horses, obviously.) There were once 
many such predators but now there are only two, one male and one 
female (uh-oh). Every now and then, the T-rexes go on a rampage and 
kill a lot of people and the tribe moves to the desert  until things 
calm down or the shaman triples the number of sacrifices. Sacrifices 
or not, the T-rexes seem to happily snack on anyone wandering in the 
woods.

Cortez and six (count them, six) conquistadors (dragging a cannon but 
no food, supplies, tents, or other baggage) are on a recon mission to 
convince the King of Spain to fund a full-scale invasion. They find 
that the local indians have lots of gold and jade, news that the King 
will want to hear. Did I mention that this is the un-recorded first 
trip to Mexico by Cortez? Oh, never mind.

A couple of plot twists later, the Conquistadors agree to kill the 
two T-rexes for the Chieftain, who is tired of paying them in people 
every month, but the Shaman wants to protect the endangered species 
who are a convenient way for him to dispose of discontented 
tribesmates. This dino-hunting plan does not go as planned. The 
firearms of the Spanish are slow to reload (and the T-rex is faster 
than the humans, something you PhD guys can argue about), but 
apparently the gunpower is damp as the bullets (and one cannon ball) 
bound off the T-rex, but then so do the crossbow quarrels (so 
apparently T-rex hide -- no feathers in evidence -- is somewhat 
thicker and tougher than you guys thought). One T-Rex is tricked into 
falling into a pit of sharpened stakes and the other is lured close 
to a pot of gunpowder which is hit by a flaming arrow and (apparently 
not being damp) explodes, killing the last T-rex. Shucks.

Various plot sub-devices are involved.  A shipwrecked Spanish priest 
has taught the Indians to speak English so they can happily talk to 
the English-speaking actors playing the Spanish. (Wait a minute....) 
The chief's daughter is unhappily-engaged to the Shaman but falls for 
the dashing Lieutenant, who eventually becomes the new chief after 
making a deal with Cortez to leave the valley alone when the invading 
army comes back. They're such a cute couple.